Hey, trainwreck

I couldn't stand the thought of going out in the heat on Sunday, so I spent a large part of the day doing paperwork for my upcoming charity tournament in front of the TV. One of the ridiculous things I watched: an HOUR AND A HALF of "Hey, Paula". This show is documenting the trainwreck that is Paula Abdul, and it is pure, vapid entertainment. Perfect summertime drivel.

Mindless pursuit aside, I have to acknowledge the show may have held my attention due to some recent personal experiences. It turns out, I can relate to Paula on an unexpected level. I have been acutely aware and increasingly amused by the fact that some of the strangers I interact with nowadays think I'm drunk. I am not being facetious.

I am fueling this perception with two behaviors:

1. I don't always answer questions appropriately. "Miss, what size would you like?" "Yes, please." "Would you like to hear our specials?" "I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" After a few missteps, the clerk/waiter/salesgirl suspects I have a mental problem.
   


2. After laying the groundwork for the insanity defense, I then turn to walk away from the counter, table, etc., and inevitably the wobble kicks in. A barely perceptible stumble that would go unnoticed if red flags had not already been raised.
   

I can see it in their faces. A mix of sympathy and amusement. Schadenfreude, perhaps. They're thinking, "This poor girl has been hitting the bottle and it's only 9:15 in the morning. It is going to take more than a grande latte to get her to quitting time."

Paula has found similar accusations hurtful. I find it amusing. Maybe I can do a reality show and Bravo can pay me a million dollars to follow me around for a couple of weeks?

In case you missed it, here's a link to Paula's promotional interview for this season's Idol. Trainwreck.