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I'm finally over the post tournament coma I succumb to every year the minute my family's annual charity event is over, and I can now begin to shed some light on how The Fifth Annual Bud Traynor Classic went. It was a huge success, and my whole family is feeling great about it.

State Park Rangers lead carts down the front nine for the shotgun start

Ready at the first tee

Beautiful swing! (Shelly Berger went on to win Low Net, Ladies)

Laurie and Lorri take a break from selling raffle tickets to say cheese

Mamma Joan mans one of the auction tables

My brother and I get ready to hand out some prizes

And what can we say? Prizes make people happy...

Abigail Sollecito easily wins the "Most Colorful Pants" award

Regan Mullaly shows off the trophy her dad, Thomas, won with the lowest score of 77

Ryan Mullaly and Krysta Sollecito check out the trophy at closer range

We'll get the rest of the pictures up on our tournament website shortly and I'll put a link here so you can see them all if you're interested. But suffice it to say the day was an unqualified victory. Our volunteers were enthusiastic and amazing, our donors were incredibly generous, the course was in pristine condition, the catering was delicious, the bar was free flowing and at the end of the day we raised a lot of money for cancer research at Memorial Sloan Kettering - a good cause that's near and dear to my heart.

What could be better?

I will say, this year gave us more agita than any year prior. We started with the usual race to the finish. My brother, his wife, Terence, my mother and I all hunkered down in the organization's corporate headquarters (my mother's house) for the three days leading up to the tournament. We only left the house to run errands that had to do with the event. My mother had deli salads and cold cut platters on hand. When that ran out, we ordered takeout. In between re-fueling sessions we printed event programs, fine tuned the line up 23 times, coordinated deliveries and pick ups of donated items, jazzed up auction gift baskets, crafted bid sheet copy writing, picked up sponsor signs, bought 288 cans of beer, finalized the volunteer assignment list, made logo labels for gift bags, washed centerpiece vases, affixed the engraved plates with last year's winners to our perpetual plaque, collected pictures of my dad for display, picked up trophies, picked up golf hats, sustained several paper cuts, one glass cut, and several headaches. But we were having so much fun!

As Sunday afternoon dragged on, the giddy exuberance slowly eroded as the evolving weather reports cast a pall over the entire family. Text messages began coming in from around the tri-State area as participants queried, "What do we do if it rains?" "Get out your golf umbrella and don't expect a refund," seemed flip. Yet true.

A few choice quotes may help illuminate the panic that had overtaken the group. I won't attribute them, but probably easy to figure out.

"Ok, but just because it's going to rain in Seaford, doesn't mean it's going to rain in Bethpage."

Upon the fifth zip-code specific hour by hour satellite check, "I think we should just face the fact that it's going to rain on the golfers for the entire five hours that they're out there. Let's just get over that and move on."

"Does the lightening have to actually hit the ground for them to close the course?"

"My scar itches." "Mine too."

The final bid sheet came off the printer at about midnight, but who could sleep? The weather reports on the late evening news were too harrowing. Our alarms went off at 3:45 am and the ground was still dry. Not a good sign. Had the rain already let loose, there could have been some hope it would blow over before the 7:30 am shotgun start.

Our caravan made it's way out to Bethpage under angry skies. Many cars packed with many auction prizes, and a special tradition: we always drive my dad's two seater out to the tournament. It was the car he used to go golfing. Although it doesn't fit much cargo, we make sure it's always in the Bethpage parking lot while The Bud Traynor Classic is being played.

The first person I saw when I arrived at the Red Course was Bob Guarino. He's the Tournament Director at Bethpage and my go to guy for these events. Immediately he begins telling me about the TORNADO watch that's in effect and how we will handle cancellation/postponement/raincheck accommodation in various scenarios. The State Park Rangers tell us they're not going to bother putting out the hole sponsor signs just yet. They don't even have our golf carts lined up. They clearly don't think there will be a tournament teeing off in two hours. I have never been more nervous. Not even in the two hours before my brain surgery (although, I was medicated at that point).

Well, God bless our golfers. Most of them showed up. Only minimal no-shows. And do you know, that rain held off, I kid you not, until the players were all on their very last hole. (Shotgun start means everyone finishes at approximately the same time, just on different holes.) It poured rain all over Long Island that day, but not over the Red Course. Thanks, Bud.

After a quick nap, we already can't wait for next year...

Aloha

Let me start by saying I have a stabbing pain radiating from a point on the upper right side of my skull as I pop an Aleve and settle in to watch TBOAG. It may prompt more caustic remarks than absolutely necessary or warranted. I apologize in advance.

Having said that, I can't really think of something snide to say about that opening without being disrespectful to the memory of those who died at Pearl Harbor. I can, however, say I was truly mortified when Andy awkwardly told the six year old girl that Tessa was his girlfriend. Right. And had you been here 20 minutes ago, you could have met one of my other two girlfriends. Andy, she is not your girlfriend. Stop trying to act like this is all normal.

Before I continue, I must offer an observation: the more episodes I see the more I realize how socially awkward Andy is. I think he must be a late bloomer who was never good looking until after he had already been set aside as a nerd. By the time he "bloomed," no one noticed his ripped abs. I'm sure he was in ROTC and probably was the RA of his dorm. He was most likely the captain of something (not football or lacrosse). On paper, he's a real BMOC. But what I really see is a nerd calling out to be loved by the in-crowd.

While I'm picking on Andy, again this week he has to state that he's in the Navy, not to mention a doctor, every five minutes. After the third USS Arizona date Andy comments, "I love being a Navy diver. I love being a Navy doctor." ABC cut out the part where he says, "But most importantly, I love telling people that I am in the Navy. And that I'm a doctor in the Navy." And did you catch him tipping his Naval officer's hat right after that? Snare drums accentuated the move perfectly.

Enough serious Navy stuff. Off to zip lining. First of all, random side note: the entire Traynor and Voltz families, including my mother, went zip lining in Mexico this past summer. It was a blast.

My brother's wife, Clementina (fellow brain surgery survivor), and I.
Harnessed in and ready to go.

Mamma Joan zipping high above the forest floor. Go mom!

Back to the matter at hand. What was it about that tarzan date that melted old ice-in-the-veins-Tessa? She could not keep her hands off Andy. Not even on the suspension bridge! What can explain this sudden and drastic change of heart? ABC is not showing us the whole story, and I feel cheated.

Anyway, if I had any doubt about Andy's social awkwardness, it disappeared the minute I saw his Saturday Night Fever sushi eating outfit. What was that? And Tessa even knew it. After Andy told her how great she looked she looked him up and down and said, "You look very, [pause] very [looooong pause - searching for the right word. Or any word.] stunning(?!) yourself." What she's really thinking: "Are you putting on a piano tie and going to a bar mitvah after this?"

Did anyone else notice the music playing while Danielle and Andy watched the sunset? Love Lifts Us Up. Indeed. But I have nothing else to say about this date, and so this is when I know Danielle will never make it to the next round. Hey, Dani, cheer up. At least you didn't kill this one.

Comments about the Bevin date:

• I've long thought the shoulder tat was cheesy. But that lower back super-sized artwork - well I just don't see Andy loving that.
• Bevin loves being all alone in the wilderness. Yes. All alone with a camera crew and a prop stylist (Where do you think the inner tubes came from?)
• The underwater kissing was nasty. Did you see all that crap floating in the water?
• Did you catch Andy jamming to the drums? Gimme a beat. And bring me my piano tie. (If you stayed past the credits you saw some priceless footage of Andy flailing around with some red pom-poms trying to bump and grind. Andy, it's a luau. And you're a recovering nerd. Sit down.)

The whole Fantasy Suite thing is creepy. I don't know what else to say about that.

Gatsby(?!), thanks for flying in. Not very helpful except to remind us once again that Andy is a tri-athlete and a doctor. But don't worry, in case you missed it, Andy reminds us as he laments the decision in front of him, "I'm a healer. I'm a doctor. I help others. I take their pain away. So to break the heart of one of these women tonight, it kills me to have to do that." Andy, you already used this line! How many times do you expect us to stomach it?

I thought Danielle held it together remarkably well. But I think she'll fall apart when she sees the playback and realizes how much that parting shot - during the hug - highlighted her black roots. "Why!? Why?! [sob] WHY did the camera have to be at such an aerial angle?"

Can't wait for the Lancaster date. This may be when the future Mrs. Lt. Andy Baldwin realizes that the love of her life had not a single friend in high school, but did win the regional medical sciences achievement award as an Eagle Scout while in the 12th grade.

Mamma Joan Comes Through with the Dirt

Some of you know my mother - she is also named Joan. My mom reads a lot, and lately she seems to know something about everything. So I should not have been surprised, but I was, when she scooped me on some good celebrity gossip.

I'm a huge fan of the show House (although I should have stopped watching in March. The episodes leading up to my surgery all seemed to involve gratuitous brain surgery shots. In one of the episodes, they literally removed half of a man's brain. They showed it being lifted out of his skull for God's sake. I did not need to see that). That Hugh Laurie character just could not be more cynical and snide. He's irresistible.

So I should have known, but did not - Cameron (Jennifer Morrison) and Chase (Jesse Spencer) are a couple in real life. Who knew?! My mom knew, that's who. They got engaged in Paris in January.

PS: Fun fact: Hugh Laurie was the voice over for the babies in several commercials I did for Johnson's Baby. I never got to meet him in person - we used to patch his voice into a NYC recording studio from the UK. He's not at all like House. Quite gracious.