British Invasion

Sorry to not have this up sooner. It's been an eventful week. But the next Bach is imminent, so time for me to get the lead out!!

As I've lamented, I missed the premier of The Bachelor due to some renovation-induced chaos. So I'm a bit behind the curve and may not have all the information necessary to identify the crazies yet. Luckily, when it comes to Bach contenders, in most cases it doesn't take more than a brief first impression.

First of all, let me say right off the bat: I like Matt. Admittedly it's probably the accent. It's hard to sound cheesy when you're a Brit. But I sensed an appealingly snarky sense of humor when the recap from the week before shows Matt holding up a pair of underwear previously slipped his way as he says, "I don't care what country you're from, that is not cool." I further see his flippant comments are going to provide ongoing entertainment when he says with a wink, "It's the first time I've been to a fashion show, and it's the first time I've dated 8 women at one time." Matt, you dog. (So much more refreshing than insincere romanticism.)

I don't have much to say about the fashion show except that Holly should have skipped the moonwalk. It's hard to be sexy in stocking feet.

Michelle P kicked off what would soon turn out to be an evening of song with a cabaret-style ditty. Complete with exaggerated, self-aware, show-tune type facial expression. All of a sudden she looks like Jack MacFarland doing his best Brit-Brit impression, and I'm mortified.

Again, having missed the first episode, I was feeling behind the curve, but my first impression of Robin, the Advertising Coordinator, was that I was going to love hating her. First of all, I'm sure her career is skyrocketing from Holland, Michigan - the advertising capital of the world (I know I'm being snobby, but that's what watching The Bachelor is about). Second of all, she pulled one of those click, click sound effect maneuvers with her mouth and combo swivel head tilt that told me she needs help (I can't think of a better description of this mannerism - but I feel like I've seen it mocked on an SNL skit. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? It's driving me crazy that I can't remember this character)...

Ashlee is a wing nut. and I love how she dances around right in front of everyone literally drowning out Matt's speech about how it's too bad he can only give one rose. I see it's taking every ounce of her strength not to start chanting "nanny nanny nah-nah!".

Moving on to the casino date, several of the ladies prove that an IQ test was not part of the entrance requirement as they butcher the English language. Kelly comments, "There is other girls here who want to get to know him," while Shayne points out, "You have 20 other girls eyeing for your attention.".

Speaking of Shayne, I'm so happy to see that Matt has no time for her drama as he slaps her with, "Everyone else is putting up with [the awkwardness of being one of 20 girls dating me], and you're the only one with the issue." Shayne - he's a Brit! They don't find temper tantrums cute. Take it down a notch, girl...

Chelsea may have ended up with the rose, but I sense this may be nothing more than a fleeting, curious dalliance with American trash for our randy Brit. Chelsea's dress looked like a cross between what a cocktail waitress would wear at the Bada Bing and a figure skating costume from the 80s. Already looking like someone who knows how to work the register at the Dairy Queen, she then completes the picture with this classic phrase, "I do great things, but it's hard to share them with nobody but yourself." Indeed.

Some additional (shallow) comments/observations:

• I love Erin S simply becuase she's a hot dog vendor.
• Shayne's hair at the cocktail party makes her look like Elisha Cuthbert as a bordello worker. I sense she and her Agent came up with a list of looks that will demonstrate her acting versatility over the course of the season. Can't wait to see her (slutty) merchant ivory get up.
  
• Robin might be this season's premier psycho. Or it might be lap-dancing Marshana. Either way, I think they'll both be fun.
• Carri is a "Church Marketer". Who pays her salary? What would Jesus have on his business cards?
  
• I love Amanda because she gets stress hiccups. Hilarious!

Of course, I can not let pass without comment the most embarrassing moment of the of the show (possibly of the season - can't say). Carri decides she must continue the talent show parade and while sitting not 12 inches from Matt who is trapped by the edge of a mysteriously small love seat, she opens her mouth and lets her opera singing pipes do their thing. But the song selection just puts me over the edge. Summer time and the livin is easy!? Oh the humanity...

Finally, it's time for the rose ceremony. Not yet emotionally attached to any of these girls, I found it pretty uneventful (except for Amanda's hiccups. Adorable). Chris comes in to remind us it's the final rose and I remember how useless he is, and how much I've missed him.

Erin H get the boot and tries to give our Brit a European-style double sided kiss, but turns her head weirdly so he ends up kissing her hair. Awkward!

Ending on a high point, we're treated to a moment of psycho drama after Michelle P emphatically implores Matt to seek out the good. She then goes (tearfully) on and on about how much she misses her cat who is the love of her life. As my friend J pointed out, "At that moment I flashed forward and saw many, many more cats in her future." Couldn't have said it better myself...