Narcissism in action

This is an old story by now, so undoubtedly, some of you have already heard this one. But it's fascinating and creepy, so I'm sharing for those that missed it.

A couple in England was forced to have their marriage annulled after discovering that they were twins! Yikes!

They had been separated at birth and each raised in adoptive families. They ended up meeting later in life. In a true demonstration that we're all in love with ourselves, they fell head over heels and married. ("You're so attractive." "No - YOU'RE so attractive...")

Yuck.

Here's the full story as reported by CNN.

Anniversary

It was exactly one year ago today that I tried to jam a quick doctor's appointment in before a conference call and out of the clear blue was told I had a brain tumor. After a few moments of genuine confusion, it sunk in a little and I actually started laughing. I was clearly in shock - although it was a little funny when you consider the tetanus shot story. It was a pretty dramatic start to the year (I skipped the conference call, by the way).

Yes, 2007 was an intense year to say the least. And some of you only know the half of it. It's time to fess up: I've been keeping a secret. Any of you who have seen me recently already know. As for the rest of you, click here.

She eats real food

I went to The Palm for lunch last Friday. Sometimes a girl just needs some fillet and creamed spinach. Guess who was in the booth next to me? Hillary Duff. I could not begin to tell you why she's famous, but I know all the little girls in my family are big fans. My impression: she's cute as a button, eats like a normal person and has great taste in handbags.

She was with her mom and sister - notable since this was the day after those same three had a big enough run in with the paparazzi to make the evening news (not just TMZ - which of course it also made).

Because we were trying not to get kicked out of the restaurant this is mostly a picture of the light fixture, but there you go...

Speaking of dubious pairings...

That's right, ladies. Lt. Andy Baldwin is back on the market. Questions remain:

• Who gets to keep the product placement diamond ring?
• Do we think we'll ever hear from Tessa Horst again?
• What are the chances the "love of Andy's life" will turn out to be a bimbette starlet hanger on now that he's a D-list celeb? Maybe they can double date with Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo.
• Do we think Bevin is on a plane to Hawaii as we speak?
  

TMZ reports:

News Flash: Another "Bachelor" Engagement Called Off!

Posted Aug 15th 2007 3:43PM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Break-Ups

Hunky Navy Lt. Andy Baldwin is once again a confirmed "Bachelor!"

One week after ABC announced their newest Frankenbachelor candidate, Baldwin and his Season 10 bride of "Bachelor", Tessa Horst, have called off their sham marriage. No way!

Baldwin tells In Touch, "When the fantasy wore off and the reality set in, we both realized that we weren't ready to be engaged"-- especially with the cameras gone! The relationship is allegedly still on, but Tessa is holding off on moving to Hawaii to be near the cardboard muscle man. Alo-HA!

At least TomKat can rest knowing they still have the most contrived marriage in Hollywood.

File under: stuff you can't make up

Dannielynn is now ten months old and couldn't be cuter. She has six teeth, her mother's charisma, and even better, she seems to be surrounded by the one thing that eluded Anna Nicole: unconditional love.

That crazy baby daddy race seems like a distant memory, doesn't it? Yet it all came rushing back today with deliciously bizarre news from the most surreal DNA applicant. Prince Fritz von Anhalt, fifth husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor and former Dannielynn-daddy wannabe, is now pioneering new ground in odd behavior.

TMZ is reporting a heck of a wrap up to the week for this batty old guy. On Thursday the Prince was found naked in his Bentley, handcuffed to his steering wheel. He claims to have been robbed at gun point by three women, but there seems to be reason for a healthy dose of doubt. I'm guessing there is a more embarrassing explanation. The very next morning he was in court on a different matter. Apparently, the Prince is fighting Zsa Zsa's daughter, Francesca Hilton (Great Aunt of Paris. oh, the tangled web), whom he believes stole money from his wife.

Do we think this turmoil is the result of royal inbreeding or wealth induced eccentricity?

I told you not to call me here...

CNN is reporting that a college student has been assigned Paris Hilton's recycled cell phone number and has been fielding calls and texts intended for the platinum jail bird since February. That sounds worse than brain surgery.

The story as reported on CNN:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- For months, Shira Barlow's cell phone was flooded with wrong-number calls and text messages, mostly between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Told they had reached a college student, callers refused to believe it.

CNN's Larry King interviews Paris Hilton shortly after her release from jail.

"Baby girl, how are you?" one man purred in a foreign accent. "Why are you doing this?" a woman asked. "This is so rude." And there were several seemingly random references to "Paris."

As in Paris Hilton.

Barlow's story began on Valentine's Day during a night out with friends. She was carrying her phone in a back pocket when it fell into a toilet. When she replaced it, her wireless company insisted on assigning the San Francisco native a new number with a 310 area code rather than 415.

Barlow had been given a recycled phone number that used to be Hilton's. The practice stems from efforts to conserve phone numbers to minimize area-code splitting.

Just after Barlow got her new phone close to Hilton's February 17 birthday, a flurry of calls and texts arrived. "Oh my God," one caller said. "Where's the party?"

Then came the day Hilton was sentenced to jail after violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Messages about parties were replaced by dozens expressing condolences.

"People were scared for her," Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail last month. But when Hilton was released, a new crop of messages flooded in.

"It's disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything," one wrote.

Barlow said she has resisted the temptation to pose as Hilton to get into exclusive parties. But she did message supporters "thanks so much," believing Hilton would appreciate it.

Barlow plans to keep the number because she says it has been a greater source of amusement than a hassle.

"It was really out of convenience," she added. "I didn't want to switch again."

Early departure

Memorial Day Weekenders are not the only ones ducking out early today.

Rosie is not returning to The View following Wednesday's smack down between her and Elizabeth Hasselbeck. They always fight, but this one was different and got extremely personal. I heard rumors that Rosie trashed her dressing room after the show. She did post on her blog that night that she wouldn't return, so today isn't surprising, just official.

TMZ's report:

Rosie to Leave "The View"

Posted May 25th 2007 3:10PM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: TV, Rosie O'Donnell

ABC has just announced that Rosie O'Donnell will not be back on "The View."

Brian Frons, President of ABC Daytime, issued the following statement:
"We had hoped that Rosie would be with us until the end of her contract three weeks from now, but Rosie has informed us that she would like an early leave. Therefore, we part ways, thank her for her tremendous contribution to 'The View' and wish her well."

Barbara Walters said "I brought Rosie to the show. Rosie contributed to one of our most exciting and successful years at "The View." I am most appreciative. Our close and affectionate relationship will not change."

For her part, Rosie said "I'm extremely grateful. It's been an amazing year and I love all three women."

They come and go

By now you've all heard the NBC fall line up has been announced. Some ancillary gossip:

• Fred Thompson is leaving Law & Order. (Would have been a stump crimper, I suppose. We're all convinced he's running. Yes?)
• Alec Baldwin will be returning to 30 Rock despite his announcement on The View. For those you you that have a life and missed it, Alec plaintively whined to Rosie that he had asked NBC to relieve him of his contract. He wished to take time off to campaign for the rights of alienated parents. (NBC is removing the phone from Alec's dressing room and banning him from the daycare area.)

Pooch lovers unite

A reader rightfully inquired about Tinkerbell when I posted the news of Paris' pending incarceration. Apparently we're not the only ones concerned...

Throw Paris to the Dogs!

Posted May 10th 2007 12:29PM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Paparazzi Photo, Paris Hilton

Trying to cram 45 days worth of love into one afternoon, Paris returned from the gym yesterday with three dogs curled up in her arms. Mama's going to the kennel, babies!

Who will take care of these cute pooches once Paris heads to the hoosegow?

Yes, she's probably got people to take care of the doggy business ... it's hard to picture Paris with a pooper scooper. Then again, picturing her cleaning up trash on the side of the road or making license plates isn't difficult.

Things are not always as they seem

I wrote in an earlier post that I had achieved the most significant recovery milestone last week. My decidedly down-town hair stylist came up to the apartment and cut my hair. God bless him. He arrived with all the necessary tools in a stylin leather euro-style case. We had promised him we'd cook a meal for him, but Terry ended up traveling for business that day and came home too late to cook. So when Thomas was done, we called a car service to take us all to a neighborhood spot. The local town car service is more convenient and less expensive than hailing a yellow cab.

I didn't see them, but apparently some of my friends from the building were sitting out on a balcony when we left for dinner. I received an email from one of them a couple of days later:
"Last Wed., when Michelle and I were at Matthias' apartment, we witnessed you from the balcony getting into a limo with Terry and a bald man with a briefcase. And you were wearing sweat pants. It was all very John Le Carre. What's going on?"

This is how rumors get started. Don't worry guys, the only sin was that hair!

The simple life

If you haven't already heard, Paris is going to jail for 45 days for violating her probation in a reckless driving charge. She will likely get her own cell, but she will not be allowed work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail. She goes in June 5th.

How's that for reality, Paris?

Do Paris' courtroom sketches look like Lord & Taylor advertising illustrations to anyone else?

Lids and loyalty

Some of you may know, there was a big foofarah over the fact that Tom Brady was seen strolling yesterday hand in hand with girlfriend Giselle Bundchen while wearing a Yankees baseball hat. This is a big no no for the QB of the New England Patriots. Fans are passionate about the Boston-New York rivalry, and this brew-ha-ha had interesting timing with a recent Traynor event.

My brother, Brendan, is a Yankees fan. All his friends from college are Boston fans. When these teams go head to head, it's all night calls and text messages between them all. The ribbing doesn't end.

Last Saturday my brothers' high-school friend, JP, called my brother to say he was going to that night's Boston/Yankees game in the Bronx. Brendan joked around and told JP to make a sign for him.

Shortly after the game started, Brendan called me cracking up and tells me to put on the game. Sure enough, there is JP - in the second row right behind and to the right of home plate holding a cardboard sign saying "I [heart] Pie [the mathematical sign] Traynor." Pie is my brother's nick name. Obviously, the college crew from Boston all got calls as well.

JP was on camera every time they showed someone at bat - and he held up that sign for every single play. Hilarious.

As for Tom, I think folks should worry less about his hat and more about the fact that another woman is about to have his baby (ex girlfriend Bridget Moynahan is due at the end of the summer). How's that for loyalty?

It's True

Rosie's leaving. Just watched her announcement on the show. Chalked up to failed contract negotiations. They went to GREAT (too great?) lengths to clarify that Rosie was not being kicked out. In fact, they wanted her to sign a three year deal, she only wanted one. It went back and forth. Babs made it clear it wasn't her doing. She had no part in the negotiations. It was between Rosie's reps and ABC TV. Blah, blah, blah...

Rosie will stay through the end of her contract in June and then she'll still be on the show from time to time as a "guest host".

They have not thought about replacements yet because they were hoping she was coming back (don't they realize we know this is an outright lie?) Donald Trump might be available - does anyone still watch The Apprentice?

Tomorrow's Post Headline?

It could be "Fat Lady Sings".

Apparently Rosie O'Donnell is going to announce today that she is leaving "The View".

I know that was a cheap fat joke, but come on, very New York Post.

Speaking of cougars...

Ladies, here's your chance at royalty. Sarah Middleton and Prince William have broken up.

The split comes just months after a popular British chainstore bet a huge sum on the couple marrying with the release of china memorabilia complete with their faces and names, leaving only the date of the nuptials to be filled in. Suppose they can use a set to eat humble pie...

Meanwhile, what happened to William? He used to be so cute. Now, he's looking a bit, well, bald. He's only 24, but already quite follically challenged (not that there's anything wrong with that. For that matter, let me again mention how terrible my hair looks).

Young and cute:

Not as young, not as cute...

...and kinda bald!

Katie is a Cougar - who knew!?

It turns out my husband has more in common with Katie Couric than being a grad of the University of Virginia. Apparently, they are both cradle robbers as well. Wahoo-wa.

I can't find a picture of Brooks, but I'm sure that will change shortly now that they're public.

As reported in The Post:


KATIE COUGAR
NEW LOVE IS 17 YRS. HER JUNIOR
By MARK BULLIET and JENNIFER FERMINO

April 12, 2007 -- Who cares about ratings when you've got your very own hunky triathlete on the mark and ready to go?

Katie Couric's dishy new boy toy is a good-looking, physically fit, almost 33-year-old East Sider with a posh pedigree.

Brooks Perlin - son of financier Sanford Perlin of Darien, Conn. - has been running around with the perky anchorwoman-turned-cougar for several months, according to a source.

"These are two private people and I respect that," said Sanford Perlin yesterday, when reached at his office at Kleos Capital Management.

His mother, Anne Perlin, 68, didn't want to comment on her son's new 50-year-old girlfriend. "I don't believe in any meddling in people's personal lives," she said. When pressed, she added, "It's a lovely story and I hope we don't ruin it."

Odds are Couric the cougar - a lighthearted term for older women who devour younger men - hopes the same. She has languished in the ratings since moving from NBC's "Today Show" to anchor the "CBS Evening News" last fall.

Her relationship with TV mogul Tom Werner fizzled in 2004. Since then, she had an on-again, off-again fling with jazz musician Chris Botti. But at 17 years her junior, Perlin could be the breath of fresh air she needs.

She's often spotted arriving in a limo at his tony East Side apartment building, close to Sutton Place. "She arrives at, like, 11," said one resident. "She's always in a suit and heels." The female resident also said that the perennially khaki-clad Perlin has a roving eye. "He's always checking out every girl who walks by," she complained.

Last July, Perlin competed in the Greenwich Cup triathlon - where he swam, ran, and cycled - and finished in an impressive one hour, 19 minutes and 16 seconds.

He also has a plummy academic background. He was known as "Woody" at the Hotchkiss School, a 100-year-old Connecticut boarding school, and he grew up in plush Darien. As a kid, he hammed it up in a performance of "The Music Man" at the Darien Arts Center, where his mother is on the board of directors. Then he was off to prestigious Williams College in Williamstown, Mass., where he played on the tennis team.

He met Couric - who lost her husband, Jay Monahan, the father of her two kids to cancer in 1998 - through mutual friends, said a source.

After months of being under the radar, the two recently went public, attending "The Year of Magical Thinking" on Broadway.

Fun-loving or funereal?

According to People, as a child, Angelina Jolie wanted to be an undertaker and she later studied embalming.

This begs three questions:

1. Was it the undertaker aspiration that led to Angelina and Billy carrying around each other's blood in cute little vile-pendants?
2. Are those impossibly pouty lips filled with formaldehyde or collagen?
3. Is it me, or is she totally creepy?
   

Explanation for the Gossip Obsession

I have learned some very interesting things from watching Oprah this week. (By the way, she hugs EVERYBODY on that show now. I think she must have seen the jokes about the "Oprah hug" on Will & Grace and decided it was bad for her image to keep everyone at arms length. But she looks like she is in pain while she's hugging it out. It's hilarious.) Anyway, what I learned today I found quite comforting.

Apparently, there is a very reasonable explanation for my celebrity gossip penchant. Evidently, it's a brain thing. According to Carlin Flora, a journalist for "Psychology Today," there is an evolutionary developmental root to the obsession. Our brains are hard-wired to recognize members of our own tribe. If we recognize a person, we think we know them. So our brains are built to think we are acquaintances with those celebs and it makes us interested in what's going on with them and their lives.

This all makes total sense to me now. A week after I have my brain massaged for four or five hours, I suddenly start blogging about celeb gossip. I was concerned until I saw Oprah's show. God bless Oprah for shedding light on the celeb-gossip brain phenomenon. By the way, I feel like I know her.

Mamma Joan Comes Through with the Dirt

Some of you know my mother - she is also named Joan. My mom reads a lot, and lately she seems to know something about everything. So I should not have been surprised, but I was, when she scooped me on some good celebrity gossip.

I'm a huge fan of the show House (although I should have stopped watching in March. The episodes leading up to my surgery all seemed to involve gratuitous brain surgery shots. In one of the episodes, they literally removed half of a man's brain. They showed it being lifted out of his skull for God's sake. I did not need to see that). That Hugh Laurie character just could not be more cynical and snide. He's irresistible.

So I should have known, but did not - Cameron (Jennifer Morrison) and Chase (Jesse Spencer) are a couple in real life. Who knew?! My mom knew, that's who. They got engaged in Paris in January.

PS: Fun fact: Hugh Laurie was the voice over for the babies in several commercials I did for Johnson's Baby. I never got to meet him in person - we used to patch his voice into a NYC recording studio from the UK. He's not at all like House. Quite gracious.

Price Slashed on Brit/Fed-Ex Mansion

Apparently Britney and Fed-Ex are so anxious to get the divorce settlement done and over with, they have cut the price on the mansion by a million dollars (they will be splitting the proceeds from the sale).

I found the listing on Coldwell Banker (using info found on TMZ). Not that revealing, but here it is:

http://www.coldwellbanker.com/servlet/PropertyListing?action=detail&ComColdwellbankerDataProperty_id=11074557&page=property





By the way, apparently Britney has found new love. She has sparked up another romance while in rehab – this time with musician Howie Day.

The newly detoxed Spears met Day while at Promises, and according to Life & Style (via MSNBC), "fell hard" for the troubled singer-songwriter while in the facility, so hard that she's bringing him to a family wedding in June. Britney "just lights up" when she talks about Day and apparently thinks he's "the best kisser ever."

Still, Mama Lynne Spears isn't so stoked about Brit's new paramour because of his troubled past – he's been arrested -- once for locking a fan in his tour bus bathroom and another time for verbally abusing a flight crew while he was drunk.

He sounds PERFECT for Britney.

And where was Mama Lynne Spears last month when Britney was shaving her legs at the Mondrian pool? I think she should be worried about a lot of things in addition to whom her daughter is dating this week.