It's in the jeans

This father and son seem to have a very healthy relationship. For some reason this father owed his son $41K, but they got so drunk together that the transaction never happened. That's not the worst of it.

No further comment required. This story - reported on CNN - is hilarious.

WAUKESHA, Wisconsin (AP) -- It was embarrassing enough that Mark Stahnke woke up in a neighbor's yard without his pants. Then he remembered they contained a cashier's check for $41,093, meant for his son, and several hundred dollars in cash.

But he got it all back Friday, including the pants, thanks to a man and his dog.

Stahnke said he doesn't know what happened between when he left the bar and when he woke up the next morning, and police were skeptical when he filed a report on Monday.

"We're used to hearing weird stories, but with his intoxication we figured this one would be different, that the amount of money wouldn't be exact," Police Lt. William Graham said. "How do you get so intoxicated that you lose your pants?"

Stahnke said he had met his son at a bar and doesn't remember much afterward.

"I woke up cold not knowing where the heck I was, and I didn't realize it at first because I still had my shoes and socks on," he said. "When I got up, I realized, my God, I don't have any pants."

Tim Curzan's dog, Joe, found the pants at an intersection, according to a police report. He found the cashier's check and tried twice, unsuccessfully, to deliver it and the cash to where he thought the owner lived.

On Wednesday, the pants were still at the intersection, so Curzan took them to the police, who contacted Stahnke to claim his belongings.

Love it or leave it

I was raised in the suburbs and will always think of Port Washington (Long Island) as "home." I love spending lazy weekends out there. Yet after living in Manhattan for the past 14 years, I now think of myself as a New Yorker in the urban sense of the word. Between yesterday and today I had two experiences that made the evolution more transparent.

Wednesday:
Yesterday's morning commute in New York City was historical. A sudden and intense storm overwhelmed the city's drainage system with an unmanageable volume of water. It was serious enough that service was stopped entirely or severely disrupted on literally every single line within the entire subway system. NYC came to a grinding halt.

When I turned on the local morning news the traffic reporter vehemently admonished, "If you haven't left for work yet, don't bother. Stay where you are for at least another hour." So I did. I didn't even leave my apartment until 9:00. I didn't walk into the lobby of my Agency until nearly TWO HOURS later (normally a roughly 35 minute trek including a stop at Starbucks).

The worst of it was the 20 - 30 minutes that we stood absolutely motionless with no announcements in the dark tunnel outside the Columbus Circle station. Almost every cubic square inch of that subway car was jam packed with sweaty body parts in a way that made it impossible for anyone to feel clean. We were all frustrated, anxious, late for work and MISERABLE.

Not for one minute did the thought, "I need to get out of this god-forsaken city" cross my mind. Instead I thought, "I should make a donation to Straphangers."

Thursday:
I have already expressed the ballet flat induced fashion-fatigue I've been experiencing, so I'm starting to brave kitten heels in the office. My balance is compromised enough that I can't walk around on sidewalks in them, so today I wore flip-flops for the commute and then slipped on some cute green suede mules with a modest heel to wear for the day. Because I'm kind of old school, I don't think it's right to be seen in flip flops in the office, so I make the switch a block away. You never know whom you'll run into on the elevator.

The same philosophy applies going home, so I waited until I was out of the building and had crossed 8th Avenue into the side street before making the switch. I leaned against a concrete tree planter to keep my balance through the footwear swap. First one shoe, then the other, then a quick Blackberry check. The whole transaction took maybe a minute and a half. With mules safely back in my gigantic purse, I continued flip-flopping down 49th Street cursing the tourists for taking over the theater district.

Guess what was going on just on the other side of the planter? Not two feet from me? A homeless man was standing up from his evidently fake wheelchair and peeing against the same hunk of concrete I had been leaning against for the last 90 seconds.

Did I bat an eye? No. I simply thought, thank God none of that got on my cute suede shoes.

I know these anecdotes only fortify the soundness of others' decisions to live in a location that affords a house with plenty of space, a yard, maybe even a pool - and virtually no risk of anyone peeing on them during their commute.

As for me, I loved the camaraderie that came with being stuck in a laughably ridiculous commuting situation that could not have resulted had we all been behind the wheel of our own cars. And I laughed for at least two blocks over the audacity of the "cripple" peeing in broad daylight right smack in front of the Ambassador Theater amidst throngs of tourists.

I love this city.

Aussie-Aussie-Aussie-Oy-Oy-Oy-Vey!

You will not believe this video of Jake Brown. While competing in yesterdays X Games in LA, this 32 year old man fell from over 40 vertical feet and somehow walked away. He is hospitalized today, but his injuries are not as serious as you would expect after seeing him fall 5 stories.

This video is truly shocking, but somewhat easier to watch when you know the outcome. Make sure you watch to the end to see the slow motion. He literally hits the ground so hard his shoes explode off his feet.

I didn't believe he could walk away until I heard he was an Aussie. Those folks are just not like anyone else.

PS: Terry and I are in a debate over the title of this post. He tells me no one has heard the phrase "Aussie-Aussie-Aussie-Oy-Oy-Oy." It's a cheer of national pride for Australians. Like "U - S - A! U - S - A!", but without the Confederate flags and tinged with less xenophobia.

Update: Apparently YouTube has removed the video due to copyright issues with whatever network aired the X Games. Good thing, I suppose - it was the stuff nightmares are made of.

I told you not to call me here...

CNN is reporting that a college student has been assigned Paris Hilton's recycled cell phone number and has been fielding calls and texts intended for the platinum jail bird since February. That sounds worse than brain surgery.

The story as reported on CNN:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- For months, Shira Barlow's cell phone was flooded with wrong-number calls and text messages, mostly between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Told they had reached a college student, callers refused to believe it.

CNN's Larry King interviews Paris Hilton shortly after her release from jail.

"Baby girl, how are you?" one man purred in a foreign accent. "Why are you doing this?" a woman asked. "This is so rude." And there were several seemingly random references to "Paris."

As in Paris Hilton.

Barlow's story began on Valentine's Day during a night out with friends. She was carrying her phone in a back pocket when it fell into a toilet. When she replaced it, her wireless company insisted on assigning the San Francisco native a new number with a 310 area code rather than 415.

Barlow had been given a recycled phone number that used to be Hilton's. The practice stems from efforts to conserve phone numbers to minimize area-code splitting.

Just after Barlow got her new phone close to Hilton's February 17 birthday, a flurry of calls and texts arrived. "Oh my God," one caller said. "Where's the party?"

Then came the day Hilton was sentenced to jail after violating probation in an alcohol-related reckless driving case. Messages about parties were replaced by dozens expressing condolences.

"People were scared for her," Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail last month. But when Hilton was released, a new crop of messages flooded in.

"It's disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything," one wrote.

Barlow said she has resisted the temptation to pose as Hilton to get into exclusive parties. But she did message supporters "thanks so much," believing Hilton would appreciate it.

Barlow plans to keep the number because she says it has been a greater source of amusement than a hassle.

"It was really out of convenience," she added. "I didn't want to switch again."

Do we think he's running?

If you haven't already heard, New York's Mayor Bloomberg changed his party affiliation today. He has forsaken the Republicans, clearing the way for a Presidential run as an Independent. He certainly has the personal fortune to fund a campaign. Personally, I would love to see him cut through the crap on The Hill with the same disdain and chutzpah he's used to deal with NYC's bureaucracy.

As New Yorkers will understand, no matter how much money you have to burn on drivers, sometimes the subway is just faster. Bloomberg reportedly takes the subway to work every day - something he and I will have in common starting on Thursday!! :)

An-"gel-of-a" US Open

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Congratulations to Angel Cabrera - the victor of Sunday's 107th U.S. Open Golf Championship played at the Oakmont Country Club in Oakmont, Pennsylvania. Angel (pron: on-hell) is the first Argentine to win the prestigious title ever, and the first Argentine to win a major in 40 years. I love that the first two majors of the year have each been won by guys no has ever heard of (Zach Johnson won the Masters back in April).

It was SUCH an exciting finish. My favorite moment was when Roger Maltbie informed a freshly beaten Tiger, just to the side of the 18th green: "We were all talking about it, and to our recollection, you never made more than a 12 foot putt during the entire course of this championship. True?" I really wanted Tiger to say, "That may be true, Roger. But have you seen my wife?"


Terry called a great celebrity look-a-like for our latest Major Champion: Alfred Molina (Spiderman, Dr. Otto Octavius)

Angel Cabrera

Alfred Molina

Did watching the Open make you want to play in a tournament? Sign up for The Fifth Annual Bud Traynor Classic.

Let ye without sin...

I pay Jerry Falwell no more respect in death than I paid him in life. What can I say? The devil makes me do it.

A post on The Economist blog reminisces on some words of "wisdom" attributed to this true believer. It's amazing how easily hate can be repackaged. A response to the post below says it all - ironically, with a quote from the ultimate conservative: "As Barry Goldwater once said, 'the religious right scares the hell out of me'."

Well, RIP, JF. Good luck to you as you meet your maker.

19:08 GMT +00:00
Falwell's funeral
Posted by:
Economist.com NEW YORK

Jerry Falwell, the face of the religious right for a time, passed away today, aged 73. In my current state of bereavement I'm finding it difficult to sum up Mr Falwell's impact on politics and culture. So I'll leave you with a few of his more interesting quotes, followed by an important question.

On AIDS:
AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals.

On the Antichrist:
[He] will, by necessity, be a Jewish male.

On the separation of church and state:
The idea that religion and politics don't mix was invented by the devil to keep Christians from running their own country.

And, of course, on the September 11th attacks:
I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'

The question: Who from the Bush administration will attend this man's funeral? (I predict a lot of officials will have last-minute scheduling conflicts.)

Update: A colleague asks a better question—which of the presidential candidates will attend Mr Falwell's funeral?


Permalink:

http://www.economist.com/blogs/democracyinamerica/2007/05/falwells_funeral.cfm

Sarkozy by a nose

On this Derby weekend, Sarkozy has been declared the winner in the French presidential election. He will succeed Jacques Chirac who has served in the role for the past 12 years. The vote was fairly close with Sarkozy at 53% versus 47% for Royal.

The statistic that impressed me more: CNN reports that more than 75% of registered voters had been to the polls by 5 pm. Compare that to America where the average total voter turnout for a National election is a mere 54%. Truly worrying considering the power over our lives bestowed on the winner.

Of course, I say this having not watched either of the debates over the past week and a half. I was far too busy obsessing over whether Paris Hilton would get jail time.


Update: total voter turnout now projected to be 85%. This is a record high for France, but their previous average of 76% still puts us to shame.

The simple life

If you haven't already heard, Paris is going to jail for 45 days for violating her probation in a reckless driving charge. She will likely get her own cell, but she will not be allowed work release, furloughs, use of an alternative jail or electronic monitoring in lieu of jail. She goes in June 5th.

How's that for reality, Paris?

Do Paris' courtroom sketches look like Lord & Taylor advertising illustrations to anyone else?

Speaking of Don and "hos"

I'm not going to comment on Imus. (OK. I'll comment. I don't think it's a free speech issue. The market has determined the right outcome in my opinion. That's all I'll say about that.)

Ironically, in a week that ended with every single Sunday morning show featuring a lengthy debate on "Don" and the "hos" remark, the decidedly uncontroversial Don Ho, has passed at the age of 76. Who doesn't like tiny bubbles?

(By the way, what's with me and the obituaries? Brain surgery has made me weirdly morbid.)

No Baby Daddy News

Apparently nothing was revealed in today's hearing. A new hearing date was set for next Tuesday - that will probably be when the DNA cards get put on the table.

My life, on the other hand, was very exciting today. My mother came and took me for another walk in the neighborhood. The doc said it's good for me. On nice days like today, it's me and all the old people in the neighborhood being taken out to get air-dried. It's very funny - all of us walking around like zombies with our nurse/attendants.

I do actually walk like Frankenstein right now. The kids in my apartment building are scared of me.

Cry Baby Judge Takes His Cut

Is there anyone who is not trying to make money off Anna Nicole Smith? That cry baby judge is shopping around for his own TV show. Article below.

Stay tuned. There should be news on the baby-daddy today.



Anna Nicole judge to get his own TV show?
Judge Larry Seidlin is taking meetings with Hollywood executives
Access Hollywood
Updated: 6:25 p.m. ET April 2, 2007

LOS ANGELES - The quirky judge who cried in the courtroom and referred to lawyers by their hometown during the legal controversy over Anna Nicole Smith’s burial may be shopping for a television deal.
Broadcasting & Cable reports Judge Larry Seidlin and his family are in Southern California on vacation, where the legal man is expected to fit Hollywood meetings around a trip to Disneyland. According to the industry publication, Judge Joe Brown’s Executive Producer John Terenzio and CNN’s Art Harris are believed to be advising the bald bench warmer.

According to the magazine’s insiders, a host of networks and production companies could land the Judge including CBS, Warner Bros.’ Telepictures, Sony Pictures Television and Fox’s Twentieth Television. Seidlin’s one-liners, tears and nicknames have already made him infamous enough for “Saturday Night Live” regular Fred Armisen to parody him on a February broadcast.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17920022/

This just in: Anna Nicole Smith Still Dead

My filter on the Anna Nicole Smith autopsy report: can anyone really look at this Dr. Perper guy (chief medical examiner for Broward County) and tell me he does not have a big honking something growing under his skull on the left side? He's a medical examiner. Examine that.

I am obsessed with brains right now.