!?!?!?!?!?

Ok, Bachelor fans. I am still trying to figure that one out. Needless to say I will be watching tonight's "After the Final Rose" episode for an explanation from Mr. Womack. Since most of you reading this already know what happened, it will feel all wrong to start at the beginning, but allow the indulgence for those that get their only Bachelor fix here...

Meeting Mom

First of all, is this supposed to be Brad's house? I'm confused. Isn't he from Austin? That house looks like it's on the ocean. My friend from Austin tells me there is a river there and parts of it are wide enough that it could seem like a wider body of water, but I don't know. Anyway, where ever that house really is, he needs an interior decorator. It seemed like a Hampton's share house - you know those big gorgeous houses that get stripped of everything before they get rented out to minimize the damage. It felt empty (hmm... symbolic foreshadowing?)

But Brad's mom seems cute and fun. I'm thinking she would be a good mother in law as far as MILs go (I married an orphan. I'm a lucky, lucky woman).

In preparation for DeAnna's arrival, Brad describes her as one of strongest and most independent people he's met in a long time. I don't know if that would be a good thing for a MIL used to ruling the roost, but momma is happy that DeAnna is from Atlanta.

Maybe this is not new and I missed it before, but all of a sudden Brad is calling her "Dee". Out loud I said, "What? He's calling her Dee now?" Without skipping a beat, Terry pipes in, "I think it's short for 'D Cup'"

Anyway, Brad tells his family "Dee" has been a bartender for 8 years. He said "has been". Doesn't that sound like present tense to you? She's listed as a realtor. I just found that odd. Anyway, Brad jokes that maybe DeAnna can be an employee if she sticks around. How affectionate.

Brad's mom notices that he can't stop touching Dee and asks Dee if she's expecting a proposal. She immediately responds, "Definitely". Cocky. But she seemed appropriately respectful and butt-kissing and I think she wins over Mrs. Womack in the end.

Off camera, DeAnna says Brad's mother reminds her of her own mother. That dead mother card has worked extremely well for this girl. (If Hillary is watching this episode she's thinking, "I wish my mother was dead")

I don't really have anything to say about the Jenni family summit. She just keeps laughing that dolphin laugh and it's SO annoying. I think Momma finds her sweet but is none too thrilled about spending every Thanksgiving with the sonic giggler.

At this point I'm thinking that D cup is going home with a ring...

Brad has a heart to heart with mom, and watching the two of them is so endearing. Brad is clearly a momma's boy. He tells mom that he knows he will be breaking two hearts, "Mine and the woman I say good bye to." Mom basically says, "Yeah, good luck with that. I don't know what I would do if I were you." Brad responds, "Thanks for nothing!" How cute are they?

DeAnna, I can see why you want to share that Mrs. Womack title with this woman...

Last chance to tell me how much you love me...

When Brad stops by DeAnna's place for a visit, she is cooking and baking to relieve her stress. What man could resist a woman who relieves stress by making cobbler instead of shrieking about how he just doesn't understand her?

Just so Brad doesn't think it's going to be all cobbler and coddling, Dee sets the record straight on who will rule that house when Brad asks what will happen if he leaves the toilet seat up, "The first three times I'll put it down myself. After that we're going to have a talk. I want things done the way I want them done. The dishes should be put where I want them. The laundry should be folded the way I want." Ok - I may not know how to turn the oven on, but I have more in common with Dee than I thought.

Does Jenni make him cobbler? No. She tells him she's going to be a lot of work, but she thinks she's totally worth it. After all, she can communicate with dolphins. She lets him know she's falling in love with him, but the words come out in sputters in between spit projecting exhales. She is so unappealing right now that I'm betting Brad wishes she was back in Phoenix.

The final rose?

Jenni shows up for what she has to hope is a proposal. Would you wear those Christmas ornament earnings to such an occasion? Or to any occasion, really? Brad utters some sweet nothings and all seems to be going ok. But then he brings his head up with sudden drama and through her sonar, Jenni senses the swift blow coming. They hug and her hair sticks to his Don Johnson stubble. A final humiliation before she's whisked away.

Chris appears out of the bushes by the driveway to escort DeAnna to Brad and I notice that our host is particularly useless in this episode.

Brad tells DeAnna he's already said goodbye to Jenni. She smiles and I'm thinking this is all going according to plan. I thought she would be the one. But suddenly Brad starts having a freak out. He begins walking in a circle and exhibiting that calisthenic behavior he displayed right before booting Bettina. This is unexpected. What is going on? DeAnna is left awkwardly standing up by the rose pedestal all by herself and I'm thinking she must feel like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing when Patrick did his solo down on the floor and she was left standing on the stage.

But he comes back. And that's when he says it. Did she remember when she told him that marriage was forever? He believes that too which is why he can't make that promise right now and he has to say goodbye.

Holy cow, I did not see that coming. I half expect our host to pop up on the podium and re-explain the premise of the show to our Bachelor-would-be-proposer.

If I were DeAnna, I think I would be speechless - but God bless her, she demands some answers. "So what? We're just friends? That just doesn't sound right. How can you say you care about someone and then just let them walk away?" She hugs him before leaving, but the look on her face is not embracing.

Wow. Poor DeAnna. First a dead mother and now this. And I think this is even worse than coming in second place. In that scenario at least you can tell yourself, "Well, he likes me, but he likes someone else more." This is, "Well, he'd rather blow this whole thing off - the whole reason he came here - than get engaged to me." Come on, Brad! We all know you don't have to stay together! Give the girl some Chopard.

I need answers. Thank God it's time for the "After the final rose" episode.