Cab-Oh-No!

There is something so wrong about the overnight dates. It's just mortifying watching these ladies give it up one by one. And sure enough, the teaser opening scenes let us know this episode would be fit for Channel J. Uncomfortably, I settled in for some voyeuristic mimbo watching. Not that I'm some raving feminist, but there is a name for a girl who has overnight dates with three different guys over the course of three nights in a row, and it's not "Texas millionaire looking for love." Something about Debbie Does Dallas comes to mind, but let's move on...

Jenni

Brad's opening greeting, "What is up?" reminds me of my seventh grade boyfriend's favorite conversation starter.

So what does one do for a date when you're in beautiful Cabo San Lucas? Swim with the dolphins, of course. Jenni tries to act psyched, but is clearly nervous.

Yet as Jenni and Brad frolic in the water, I suddenly realize Jenni may have been separated at birth from a dolphin family. Think about it. She likes to perform in front of a clapping crowd. I've seen her jump through many hoops over the past six weeks. And most striking - she's constantly throwing her head back and pealing out syncopated, high-pitched laughs. I'm now convinced we're only hearing the lower sound waves of those obviously sonic quality "giggles." An inexplicable distinction: dolphins have very large brains. Maybe Jenni is smarter than she appears.

Enough frolicking. On to the romantic dinner. All of a sudden, Jenni gets coy. She let's Brad in on a secret: she doesn't want to tell him what she feels if he's just going to disappoint her. She goes on, "It's hard for me to say it, it's so much easier for me to show it." Cue the Channel J music...."I'm pretty sure you have something in your pocket" She's either referring to the fantasy suite card or something more naughty. Either way, she's a slut.

She full body frisks Brad all the while cackling like a dolphin.

Terry's comment from the peanut gallery: "She is the most shallow out of all of them. And she has a dumpy butt." (Oh, the irony.)

Jenni's rationale for her loose behavior, "I feel that I'm here because I was supposed to meet him [and further my career as a Phoenix Sun Dancer.]"

I'm mortified. Let's hope Gramma isn't watching.

Bettina

Brad gives us a line into his thinking as he gets ready to greet Bettina. "I've got to keep an open mind. [I've got two more women to sleep with, after all.]"

He lets us know the stakes are high for Bettina. If he doesn't see the true Bettina now, he fears he never will.

Brad and Bettina head out on an America's Cup racing boat. High class enough for even Bettina's family. Speaking of, Bettina mentions, "My family's only concern was whether it was a two way street." Ok, that is total crap. They had many concerns, the least of which was whether it was a two way street. Their main concern was that Brad's livelihood was equivalent to street-sweeping and that were she to marry him, Bettina would inevitably end up a street-walker.

There was no chemistry during the romantic dinner, and I know Bettina is going home. But not until Brad samples the goods.

Nice butt shot getting into the hot tub. The camera just lingered and lingered.

Bettina says she is falling in love with Brad, but she is "shy about it" Yes. Very shy.

DeAnna

Poor DeAnna clearly drew the date short straw. Race car driving. Helmet hair and dust storms. Awesome. But DeAnna shows she's a good sport and even sasses Brad over his poor driving skills. Well done, playful-doesn't-let-her-dead-momma-get-her-down-DeAnna.

Over dinner, Brad pulls out the line, "I don't meet people like you very much." Oh my God! He uses this line on EVERYONE. Jenni's mom. DeAnna's dad, and now DeAnna. What the hell? Ok, but it is better than, "What is up?"

DeAnna pours her guts out on the table. She tells Brad she's falling in love with him. But her bangs are driving her crazy. And the way she keeps brushing them out of her eyes is driving me crazy. I can't concentrate.

But I do know that DeAnna is one smart cookie. Of course, EVERYONE told Brad that they're falling in love with him. But DeAnna has been so reserved until now, it absolutely maximizes the impact of her words. Well done, Ms. Crafty. Opa, indeed.

The Rose Ceremony

Oh, crap this is awkward...

Brad uses a metaphor and I'm stunned. "The weather is tumultuous just the way my feelings are tumultuous." I didn't know he was so literary. Take that, Bettina's family!

He goes on with some hilarious commentary, and I swear, he's become some kind of one man show.

"Someone is going to walk away with what I assume will be a broken heart, and to be the cause of that breaks my heart." That's why I slept with all three of them.

"When I started this it was me standing in front of a room of strangers." Now I'm in front of three women I just slept with and you all know it.

Meanwhile, Bettina looks a little hungover at the rose ceremony. I think she knew she was going home so while Brad was shacking up with DeAnna the night before, Bettina was down at the bar preparing for the searing humiliation she'll feel when she has to face her family again. "Why am I such a loser? Hey, bartender, I told you to keep 'em coming. What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here!" Even worse than the hangover pallor, her dress looks like a milk maiden's costume.

Brad literally starts stretching and flexing before giving out the final rose. It seemed like he was getting ready to be in a shot-put competition. Very unsettleing, but accomplishes the task of underscoring the drama.

As expected, Milk Maiden Bettina gets the boot. Brad's explanation: "After all this time, I'm still looking at Bettina as a complete mystery, it shouldn't be that way." Yes, you should definitely know someone completely after six weeks. I don't think Brad is much for complexity.

Anyway, Bettina keeps it together. Already looking ahead, she cautions, "I can't even imagine putting myself out there right now." Terry's comment, "Maybe she should go back to her first husband." As if he'd have her.

Next week's tell all brings back craz-azy Hillary - can't wait. And the girls meeting Brad's family slash it would be impossible for me to love you more contest looks like it will be a winner...