If your name is not Jenni, please pack your bags...

Right off the bat, Jenni gets the one on one date and nearly dies of elation. I thought I saw her eyes roll back in her head for a minute and I truly thought she might short circuit.

Brad's dramatic entrance to pick her up in the helicopter would have been a lot more romantic and less comic had there not been all that debris swirling around like hundreds of little Tasmanian devils. The girls refused to stop flashing their best toothpaste model smiles even as they were pelted by flying objects moving with stingingly strong centrifugal force. Hard to look cute when your hair is caught up in a wind tunnel, but God bless them, they tried.

The other girls can not hide their resentment as Brad and Jenni whiz off. Hillary immediately gets her therapist on the horn and asks for refills on three of her seven prescriptions.

Jenni giggles girlishly as she flips her hair and says, "If he doesn't give me the rose I'm going to jump off this building!" As if he's not giving her the rose. Unless she tells him she has gonorrhea during dinner, I think she's safe. Even then, she might be ok - unless she says she caught it from her dad. (Ok, I know that was over the line, and my mother is appalled right now if she still reads this blog. But there is something so sickeningly pure about Jenni that brings out my dark side.)

Just when I think Brad is going to give Jenni a puppy before they pedal off on a tandem bike, ABC cuts through the sweetness with a peak at what's going on back at the house. McCarten and DeAnna are stirring the pot with some Class A, high-school style mind games. Don't you remember that girl who was the leader of the "in crowd," but really no one liked her? Think Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls. That's what's going on back at the mansion in the name of, "Let's be friends. Let's put on our pj's and bond. Let me tell you why you're stupid and ugly and SOOO not Brad-worthy. Oh, and Hillary, I forgot to tell you. Your therapist called you back five hours ago. I meant to tell you before, but I didn't think of it until just now when I saw you walking around with that steak knife."

On to the group date. Brad tries to pretend like any of the non-Jenni girls still have a chance. They all humiliate themselves to the absolute base level during the improv session and I die a little inside as I watch them grovel. Hillary's uppers kick in as she bounds around as a cheerleader and then pronounces, "I was a FREAKin' rock star today!"

Kristy has a meltdown because she sucks at improv. Brad tells her not to worry. Bettina gets the rose and Hillary pages her therapist.

Bettina envisions the future, "Brad likes me...I can really see us having this great life together." Yea. Just you and Brad. And Jenni.

DeAnna and Jade's date with Brad was HIL-A-RI-OUS. Dueling banjos. All I could think of was that character on SNL played by Kristen Wiig. The one who's always one one-upping everyone with outrageous claims. She's a recurring character and the first few times I saw it I found it annoying, but now I think it's funny (If you don't know what I mean, check this out: Penelope at an Auction)

Meanwhile, back at the house, Bettina injects some unwelcome level-headedness when she tells the others it's naive to think you can get engaged to someone after knowing them for six weeks. As a divorcee, she knows from experience. Hillary calls her a used car and laughs like a jackal.

Poor Jade gets the boot. She was no match for that DeAnna.

The mind games continue at the rose ceremony party. The girls grill Jenni about her intentions once they find out she got the first kiss. One by one, the ladies pull Brad into a corner and tell him they don't want to cry as they begin to cry. "Brad, how can you turn away from someone brave enough to express this kind of raw emotion?" Meanwhile, I don't know what happened to McCarten. All of a sudden she's wearing an elegant dress and she's unsure about whether she even wants a rose. What's going on?

No surprise, McCarten and Stephy get sent packing.

The winning parting line came from McCarten, "Brad is an amazing person that I could see being the father of my children. Or my husband." Multiple choice.

Scenes from the next gave me a peak into what I knew was coming all along. Hillary's nervous breakdown. The carefully calibrated medication balance seems like it may get off center next week. We may need another medivac. Is it so wrong that I find that so funny?